Friday Flash 55: Little Help?

"Doing anything?" she said. "I need some help packing—"

"I'm looking for the car keys," he said, "so I can check fluid levels and all that."

"You haven't lost them again?"

"Maybe I left them at Mike's."

Five of Mike's beers later, he 'found' the keys in his pocket. The packing was finished...as planned.



That's a 55-word story for Friday Flash 55, as usual, inspired by real life [sigh] as usual. To join in the fun, write any story you like in 55-words (no more no less) then tell Mr. Knowitall by leaving a comment on his own Flash-55 post today.

Meanwhile, your weekly dose of paying Flash Fiction markets has reached the letter F, and as Flash Fiction and Friday and Fifty and Five all begin with F, I've gone a bit mad with finding the F markets:

The Funny Times publishes funny stories 500-700 words and pays $60 for them; they'll also consider your cartoons. Perhaps even better than the cash payment is that publication here gets you a free subscription, and swapped links. Go visit for a laugh.

The First Line publishes a quarterly collection of stories all beginning with the same first line: you'll find those prompts on the website, along with other opportunities to be published in the magazine, where pay is $20 for fiction and $10 for articles, such as a short essay on your own favourite first line from literature.

Flashing Swords publishes fiction, poetry, and essays in the fantasy genre, including Sword & Sorcery, Sword & Planet, Swashbuckling Adventures, and more. Pay is semi-professional at one cent per word, so an average short story would earn $25-$50 here; flash fiction less.

Faces is aimed at teens and wants very short items in a wide range of formats, from articles to fiction to puzzles: keep it under 800 words, and check the guidelines—though they haven't updated the theme list yet, so keep checking back. Pay is professional level, at a generous 20-25c per word. If only they took novellas...

Fantasy & Science Fiction seems to have been around forever—I submitted my first ever story to this magazine when I was a teenager, with an unsurprising outcome. But who wouldn't try? They pay 6-9c per word, a professional rate, and they are after all the fantasy magazine, since 1949. Their guidelines are very brief, inviting almost anything, but they do lament that they don't receive nearly as much science fiction or humour as they'd like. Well... there's your way in. Good luck.

The Fiddlehead is a Canadian magazine that most writers I know have at least tried for, if unsuccessfully; their famous rejection letters are worth getting however. They're hoping for 'freshness and surprise' in your submission. Get yourself one of those famous rejection letters, and if you fail to achieve that and instead get yourself into the magazine, holy cow... let me know so I can go buy a copy and write to the editor about how much I LOOOVED that story.

Flash Fiction Online needs stories to be 500-1,000 and will pay $50 for the ones they select for publication. Jake (the editor) says, "When in doubt, send it out", and if you can get your story down to at least 1,100 words, he'll work with you to cut the rest. I wonder what Elwood says?

The Four Horsemen: An Anthology of Conquest, War, Famine & Death has submission guidelines halfway down the page. They're looking for a wide range of genres, along as your story fits the theme; however, stay away from strong religious themes. Ooooo....kaaaaaay.......

Put Me In The Zoo

From where we are in West Virginia, we can drive in any direction and be on a Civil War site within minutes; yesterday we visited Philippi, site of that war's first land battle. Last week we drove through Gettysburg, and someday soon we'll be staying overnight in Harpers Ferry.

These places are deeply moving, and never fail to pull me from the real world for a few minutes or hours into melancholy and wonder. But weirdly, nothing has affected me as badly so far, as visiting the zoo. Halfway through its trails, Son called back to us, "Mum! Dad! Arjays! Lots and lots of arjays!"

We wondered what an "arjay" was, so hurried to catch up and looked. It took a moment to recollect, but "R.J." is a main character in "Over the Hedge", who happens to be a raccoon. So we stopped to visit the raccoons.

See that little fellow above? I cried over him. I cried to leave him, and I cried that night at home. Go ahead and laugh at me -- I know full well that if he were as free as he'd like to be, he'd be tearing up my garbage, digging in my garden and giving my kids rabies, but oh Lord, look at him. Wook at his widdle face! When I walked away from him (forty-two raccoon portraits later) my arms just ached in emptiness.

A few yards later, we found the wolves who were all puppies, and hadn't a clue there was more to life than a big fence and people who would toss zoo biscuits if they could be cute enough. These were cute enough and then some, and ended up with our whole bucketful.

More photos are on the photoblog today for Wordless Wednesday.

We're going on a different sort of trip today, to look at one of Queen Teen's prospective colleges. Which reminds me, I forgot to wash my son's socks yesterday and he has none for today. It's that raccoon distracting me... should I go back and spring him?

Should I??



Wolfsinger Publications is putting together an anthology of stories about Eve, the first woman. Hurry, deadline is 31 August for release this autumn. If your story is selected, there's a small advance of $5 plus royalties from future sales of the anthology.

Wolf Moon Journal is currently sponsoring a free drawing if you're in the market for a teenage or just the thrill of a win: click here to enter. The first link in their name will take you to their submission guidelines for reviews, poetry, photographs, and essays.

Graywolf Press publishes a wide range of books and sponsors a generous prize for nonfiction manuscripts--$12,000 of generous. They'll be closed to submissions until January 2010 due to moving their offices, but hey, that'll give us time to write a book, I'm thinking.

Ardwolf Press only publishes one book a year, in speculative fiction: if you think you have THE book of the year, click the "Submission Guidelines" link in their left sidebar for more information.

Shakespeare's Monkey Revue is looking for the best poem of the year, for which they'll pay $200. There's a $5 entry fee for up to three poems. More details on their contest page. If regular submissions are more your style, check out their submission guidelines instead.

Handy

Baino's post today made me laugh, as she's analysing her handwriting--even showing a bit for us in bright blue ink.

What made me laugh was catching myself at a reversal of sorts earlier today, when I had to write a thank-you note. When I was a teenager, I used to write stories long-hand and then type them up on an old manual typewriter. Remember those?

chikkachikkachukkachikka-ka- DING!
zzhhoooooooop...
chikkachikkakachukkachikk...

Well, now I found myself composing a thank-you letter in Word, so that I could hand-write the finished, edited, proofread version in my own scrawl on a piece of paper. Usually when hand-writing letters and postcards, it's just off the top of my head, but this one required a bit of explaining, so I typed first to get it right. When I realised that I'd done a 180-turn in my writing life, it made me laugh.

Meanwhile, I owe everyone here an apology letter I think, for neglecting my blog again while I go enjoy the natural beauty all around me in WV. Here's a few more photos from our day out to Kanawha Falls and roundabouts; the motorcyclists are everywhere here and little wonder; it's a beautiful place for a drive of any kind.








If the pictures inspire you or if doing it by 'hand' is your thing, here are a few markets to consider:

The 2nd Hand publishes an online and print version of its magazine; if you make it into print they'll pay you somewhere in the ballpark of $75 to $300. Even if you're banished to the unpaid wilderness of the online version, you may be invited to join in one of their frequent readings in the South and Midwest. A lifetime subscription to the print version can be had for $30.

Right Hand Pointing wants some A.S.S. (In their case, that means Art, Short poems, and Short fiction.) Regular readers here know that once in a while, I just can't help posting a market because their submission guidelines are just too entertaining to pass up... RHP is such a publication. Hit that link and then view the slideshow halfway down the page: well worth it. Hmmm... what to send these folks... because I just have to send them something. They don't pay, but hey, they're charming and wanting short stuff, so ok.

Backhand Stories publishes stories and essays by new and unpublished writers in blog format so you'll likely get feedback via the comments, from a new audience for your work. And that's it... again, there's no pay. The editor prefers work to be short: "stories you can read in a few minutes that will stay with you the rest of the day".

Callused Hands is a blog of "ordinary literature for ordinary people", and if published there you won't be paid (I know I know, another one...) but at least you'll have a link to your own website or book in your bio note. Poetry and flash fiction welcome by e-mail.

A Handful of Stones will publish "a very short piece of writing that precisely captures a fully-engaged moment". And short they are: sometimes only a few words, or one or two lines. If you enjoy what you see on the website, you can pick up a widget which will display the day's 'stone' on your sidebar. Or, find them on Twitter. Published 'stones' include author credit and link. And guess what? They don't pay! Well, what do you expect for only a line or two?

Well, for all of us wanting to be paid, there's always Harlequin. But if you just can't bring yourself to write a romance, they now accept a wide variety of manuscripts and genres for their new 'Teen' line of young adult fiction: details are here at eHarlequin's website.

Friday Flash 55: Itching for Perfection

First day in the new house, she discovered shears and attacked the neglected front garden, discovering the new pride of having a perfect hedge. When she went inside for water, her husband looked up from painting.

"Gardening?" he asked. "Well, leave the hedge to the landscaper, it's full of poison ivy."

She stared.

She scratched.


=+=+=+=+=

That's a 55-word story for Friday Flash 55...as usual, inspired by real life. *sigh*

To join in the fun, write any story you like in 55-words (no more no less) then tell Mr. Knowitall, a.k.a. G-Man by leaving a comment on his own Flash-55 post today.

Meanwhile, your weekly dose of paying Flash Fiction markets has reached the letter E:

Electric Literature is a bimonthly anthology of five works of short fiction between 500 and 7000 words, for which they'll pay $1,000. Not a typo, that's: One. Thousand. Dollars. If you'd like to read what they're paying such rich rewards for, visit their website to read their stories on your Kindle, iPhone, laptop, or good old-fashioned paper.

Eagle Wings Press is currently looking for submissions of stories about recovery in the 12-step programme; deadline is September 30, 2009. Read the guidelines for other planned anthologies, full-length submissions, and greeting cards.

Electric Spec publishes "shockingly good short works of science fiction, fantasy and the macabre", for which they'll pay $20. Keep it between 250 and 7000 words, and feel free to push genre boundaries.

Everyday Fiction specialises in flash, and sends it to subscribers' inboxes daily. Keep it under 1000 words, and if your story is chosen, they'll send $3 to your Paypal account and provide a link to your own website to help you promote your work.

Everyday Weirdness offers a daily flash fiction story under 1000 words in speculative genres. You can also send them audio or animation, as long as you keep it under 5 minutes, and they'll pay you $5.42 by Paypal.


Taken on the road out of Elkins, West Virginia.

At last, as promised: the MYSTERY HOLE

Sorry to be gone a few days. We woke up on Monday morning at 4am to drive 1,000 miles across five states over two days, to return that bloody Yaris, see some Civil War sites, generally 'see America' and visit our niece and nephew in Baltimore. Today was a day of recovery.

Nothing we saw in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Maryland, or Virginia was as "Wild and Wonderful" as West Virginia, and even after the lunatic asylum and a plethora of ghost stories we've already experienced, nothing has matched the Mystery Hole.

It sounds dirty, I know, and I fully expect to blush over a few of the comments this post will be getting. I don't mind; how do you think I got my husband to drive all those miles down Route 19 and Route 60 to go see it?

The signs on the front of the building warn you:

"It's Baffling!"

"Those with high blood pressure or heart ailment--Do Not Enter!!"

"Children under 12 must be accompanied by parents"

"Not responsible for accidents or after effects"

And, inevitably...

"Adults $6.00"



The style and language of the signs set the tone for what you're about to experience: from the start it's obvious you're in for a trip back in time to the heyday of the Roadside Attraction, those overhyped, offbeat, money-making sideshows dotted alongside America's highways since the 1950s.

Inside the doors, the promise of impending fun is reinforced by what's on offer in the gift shop: beside the hats and t-shirts you can wear to prove your MYSTERY HOLE experience (oh my goodness), there are all the worst examples of useless kitsch, from collector's plates to packs of itching powder to postcards that seem to date to the very first days of colour photography.


The tour guide warns that you'll lose your balance, that you'll see water flow uphill, and experience other odd phenomena. As expected, there was a natural explanation for it all, and it was not the one offered afterwards by one of my fellow tour-takers, who believes coal-mining in the area has disrupted the earth's magnetic fields and gravitational integrity, and who took real offense to my own theories. (I had to explain to my husband later, why I was running across the parking lot toward him and the car at full-tilt, screaming DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!)

It was simple. On reaching the underground 'mystery' chamber, it was obvious that it was simply a room with a very crooked floor, the floor being disguised by an equally crooked ceiling and panelling set perpendicular to both. It's a bit disorienting, especially as you've just been led down several also-tilty passageways, but anyone as addicted to funfairs and halloween haunted houses as I am, will feel right at home. Carefully placed furniture and wall art completes the illusion: the room looks normal when you tilt your head, but your own balance tells you very clearly that you're a good fifteen degrees off-kilter. In that context, every "amaaaaazing" trick is perfectly logical, even the floating chair and the ping-pong ball that rolls uphill.

What makes the Hole worth the trip and six bucks of hard-earned cash is, of course, the human factor. The tour guide is an excellent entertainer, and gifted at pissing down your back while telling you it's raining. The kids loved trying to stand up straight and falling all over themselves, and we adults enjoyed the vintage-style hilarity of it. Our baby laughed out loud all the way through it.

Perhaps the true 'Mystery' was its popularity--no one I've talked to has ever heard of it, even the locals in our town. But tours begin every 15 minutes throughout the day, and there were ten in our group, then ten more waiting outside as we left. Go figure. As so many editors and literary agents say, it's not always the idea that makes the sale, it's the execution...



And if mystery is your thing...

Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine will consider mysteries of almost any length, from 250 words to 20,000, but prefers stories to be 2,500 to 8,000, with strong writing and an original plot. Accepted stories are paid for with professional rates.

Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine also pays top dollar, and is looking for 'almost every kind' of mystery. It also offers puzzles. Their front page on the website will remind you of their support for The Wolfe Pack's Black Orchid Novella Award: if you're working on a mystery novella, watch the Wolfe Pack's website in early 2010 for submission details for the next round.

Orchard Press Mysteries requires a query before submitting fiction, and also accepts poetry. New writers and general fiction stories welcome; they are not interested however in fantasy or romance. There is no pay, however, you may include a bio and e-mail address for publicity and/or feedback.

Pine Tree Mysteries welcomes new writers with mystery stories 2500-4000 words long. No payment, but bio included.

Finally, you don't want to miss Mysterious Matters, the blog for mystery writers offering "the inside story of the mystery publishing business".



Meanwhile, you can find West Virginia's 'Mystery Hole' on route 60 near Hawk's Nest State Park, not far from the state capital of Charleston. For directions or more information, you can visit them online at mysteryhole.com.

Look at That!

Well here's something I've never done before: guest blogging, with pictures. Wooooo...

If you want to see how I did, or if you remember my neighbours whose house burned down and want to find out what happened next, go visit Sugar Britches and say hello. Ashley's one of my favourite bloggers and well worth a daily visit.

But y'all come back now, y'hear?

(Sorry, couldn't help that...)
*ahem*

Sunday Driving

Some of my favourite childhood memories are the Sunday drives our family would take every weekend in the summer.

That's all they were: drives. The evening before, my father would have the fuel tank filled and check the car all over, from tyres to fluid levels. My mother would do her baking and pack a picnic lunch for all of us, and double-check her handbag for tissues, spare change and the instamatic camera, including spare batteries. In the morning she'd wake up first, making a big Thermos of coffee and laying out clothes.

And then we'd go: north, south, east, west, wherever. We'd pull over when we were tired or hungry or a sign pointed us to something we hadn't seen before, or a roadside attraction caught our fancy. My mother was susceptible to antique shops and yard sales; my father liked history, and anywhere he could get an ice cream or cup of coffee. I learned to appreciate all of the above.

Yesterday we put the kids in the car and off we went, Sunday-drive style. Boy, is this a great state for this, or what... it had the best of everything.

There were scenic landscapes, some nearly vertical...





There was plenty of history...





...and there was WEIRD stuff to stop and see...



(More about this world-famous 'Mystery Hole' tomorrow.)

And then the Simpsons fans in the back seat got a kick from seeing the town of "Smithers" followed closely by a sign for "Montgomery" Burns...





We were soon driving into the state capital of Charleston, but by then our passengers were all asleep, so we just turned for home. I remember drifting off in the back seat too, many years ago-- a much bigger one than what we've got now!

I think these drives are going to need to become a habit.

USA residents can enter the Good Housekeeping Short Story Contest for a chance at $3,000 and publication in a national magazine. Deadline is 15th September and the judge is Jodi Picoult.

Strange Weird and Wonderful has re-opened to submissions of fiction, poetry and artwork if it's fantasy, horror, paranormal, or science fiction. Pays $25 per story for first electronic rights.

Waccamaw doesn't pay but is located in the South and saying it out loud reminds me of "Whack A Mole" which amused me enough to include it here.

Diversion Press is a new small press that publishes an interesting range of books, including YA novels, academics, and anthologies. Check their sidebar for links to their contests.

Oops... gotta go. Time for another drive!

Friday Flash 55: Aftershock

She worked late nights to get ahead, and wanted a divorce from 'that jobless bum'. He wanted a divorce from the 'workaholic' who hardly knew their own kids.

After the divorce, he found a job to pay his rent, and she went part-time to meet the kids' school bus. I wanted to laugh, but couldn't.

That's a 55-word story for Friday Flash 55. To join in the fun, write any story you like in 55-words (no more no less) then tell Mr. Knowitall, a.k.a. G-Man by leaving a comment on his own Flash-55 post today.

For my contribution, I was going to tell you about a story about a blogger who accidentally left her Bus Stop story pages at home while she went on summer holidays in West Virginia.... but with all the cuss words in it I just couldn't cut it down to 55 and maintain the proper flavour.

[sigh]

If you're good at writey-tightey and still looking for flash fiction markets, I believe we're up to "D":


Desilit takes poetry, nonfiction and fiction with a South Eastern slant: for fiction they'll pay $100.

The Long and Short of It offers romance stories online and especially needs stories with holiday themes, including Christmas and (of course) Valentine's Day. Pay is modest at $5 but includes a one-month banner ad for your published book or website. If you've got a book out, they'realso looking for author interviews; if you're a bit naughty, they have an erotic sister site, Whipped Cream. Neither one, however, begins with "D".

Diddle Dog specialises in Flash Fiction and is accepting submissions for the next issue as long as it's not porn, and not for kids. They don't pay, "but we'll love you" which is always nice, and they will consider reprints.

Downstate Storywill pay you $50 if accepted, but you'll have to be patient: the annual deadline is June 30 for a fall publication. A connection with Illinois or the midwest is a help.

This is about as far west as I've ever been, route 19 in West Virginia:

Gone Crazy

In our family, we know we're crazy. We even take pride in it, usually.

I suppose it's obvious too: after all, did we buy a holiday home on the beach, or in New York City, or by Disneyworld, like many others would? Nope. We chose West Virginia, cheap and cheerful, home to amazing landscapes and UFO landings and the Mystery Hole and six-packs on the front porch and the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum.



Isn't it beautiful? (There are more photos on the photoblog.)But its interior can scare you into making a mess of your pants, after viewing its nineteenth-century medical implements and wall shackles. We spent a fine day in and around its home of Weston, just off Route 79, and were home relaxing on the porch afterward with a supper of cold sandwiches and colder beer and cokes, when the neighbours stopped by to say hello.

We seemed a good match, our family and theirs: a couple about our age with three kids, like us. But, for our kids, meeting new people means stress. Our younger (autistic) kids deal with stress in interesting ways.

Our baby marched up to everyone and chattered away in her own language to our bewildered guests. Our nine-year-old son retreated to the front steps where he indulged in some stimming: rapid and repetitive hand motions and other odd behaviour that the neighbour kids didn't understand.

So I mentioned the autism thing. Neighbour Mom had no experience of it, she said.

"There's a kid in my class with that," her middle child offered. "He's crazy."

It was as if someone had dropped a bomb of silence onto our porch. For me, seconds stretched out into forever while I waited for his mother to say something to her son, while my own mind raced with possible replies to him:

"Yes, we're all crazy in our family, but at least we're not RUDE." (which would have been self-contradictory, but ...)

"Your classmate isn't crazy, he's just coping. So what's your favourite class at school?"

"It's fun to be crazy. You should try it sometime."

...and the most tempting:

"Get the hell off my porch, kid, and don't come back."

Instead, as usual, I simply changed the subject and carried on.

After they left, the remainder of the day was dull and heavy, dragged down by that reminder that where I saw my bright and beautiful son who'd stared down Death in his very first hours, other people just saw a crazy kid acting crazy. The fact that it had been said by a child his age—one who would be his classmate if we lived here—only made it worse. The memory of the asylum's wall shackles, and the implicationj of what his life might have been a hundred years ago, was worse again.

"Mom," he said later as he came to kiss me goodnight, "Am I handsome?"

"You're gorgeous," I said, telling the truth, and his smile believed me. I watched him go off to bed, and wondered.

What gets said to him at school? What hurts and insults and neglects does he endure every day, that I never see? What will his adult life be like as he's misunderstood and turned away from, on a daily basis?

All kids have their challenges, I know. At my son's age, my mother had just lost her father, leaving her the caregiver of younger siblings. At my son's age, I was sharing a small bedroom with my aging grandmother and my father had terminal cancer. Other kids at this age have much much worse. Some have never made it this far: he nearly didn't. And of course other parents are dealing with similar issues all the time. None of that makes this easy.

But after all that's said, I like crazy; I even love it. If that's what people call my kids, then fine. I don't want them to change. I just wish that more people could appreciate how wonderful crazy really is.

Crazyhorse considers submissions of "the entire spectrum of today’s fiction, essays, and poetry—from the mainstream to the avant-garde, from the established to the undiscovered writer. The editors are especially interested in original writing that engages in the work of honest communication. We always ask 'What's at stake in this writing?' 'What's reckoned with that's important for other people to read?' "

Still Crazy only accepts submissions from writers over 50 in fiction, poetry, non-fiction, memoir, etc. Romances and "Hallmark sentimentality" discouraged, but they will consider reprints. Hopefully by the time I turn 50 they'll be a paying market... but, not yet.

Rebel Books Publishing is collecting stories for kids on a magical theme, to be published in late 2010. Two other collections for young adults are in the works too. Payment will be from royalties earned on the books.

Mad Swirl is "calling any and all: poets, illustrators, writers, photographers, painters and psychos (preferably harmless ones)." Keep it short: three poems at a time, or stories under 1000 words. No mention of payment (ruh roh) but if you've got an experimental piece that just doesn't fit in anywhere else, this might be a good home for it.

Wild Child Publishing is a small press publishing books in print and electronic form, non-fiction and fiction in a wide range of genres and all lengths, even "minis" of 5-10K words. Payment is royalties. What they're looking for most is "crime, romantic works, historical, horror, science fiction, fantasy, self-help, general interest non-fiction, inspirational, and literary fiction".

Gone Monster Huntin'

We went wandering yesterday, and ended up at an outlet mall that sold Fiestaware, Corning, books and power tools. But the Fiestaware and power tools weren't what we were looking for.

In the past week or so we've seen some interesting "welcome to" town signs, but yesterday an old-style wooden sign welcomed us to Flatwoods, "Home of the Green Monster". Oh yeah! This was my kind of place.

Back in 1952, a group of kids and a few adults witnessed the crash of a UFO in the hills of southern West Virginia, and ran to the crash site (yes, to...this happened before people had cable television and internet to entertain themselves, remember).

At the crash site the group encountered a hostile and poisonous being later dubbed "the Green Monster" who would become first local news and then national legend, and eventually inspire countless science fiction stories, films, and even the term "Men in Black" through West Virginia native Gray Barker.

Personally, I also suspect it of some influence on the Teletubbies.

We drove through the town and back again, disappointed to find no giant monuments to the event, nor alien gift shops, nor gangs of folks walking the streets in long green capes and pointy hats. It was all, well, distressingly normal.

Hurrah for the outlet centre! Their factory seconds provided a quick shot of retail therapy, and there we found the Braxton County visitor centre giving away free coffee... and selling Monsters!





Big Ole Face Full of Monster has the coolest of names, and is looking for short fiction that is creepy, chilling, haunting, and taut. For this they will pay 2.5c/word. Or, send them something else: "true regional horror stories, discussions of film and literature (both classic and current), terrifying travelogues, creepy music reviews, revolting recipes, art (for cover and within the zine), photos, original papers, articles, interviews, reviews and MORE" (their capitals) and they'll pay 2 copies upon acceptance.

Monsters Next Door is working on a themed issue for the fall, so if you have a ROAD TRIP story, send it in. (I can't believe my luck.) If you have a different kind of monster story, they're also reading for their regular quarterly issues, so keep polishing. Check the link for complete guidelines including payment details.

Pill Hill Press is currently looking for "dark and/or disturbing" rural horror that makes a reader want to pack her bags and move back to the city. "Think abandoned buildings. Think small towns with nosy neighbors. Think malevolence in middle America. Think long, creepy country roads. Most importantly, think outside the box!"

Books for Monsters wants action and adventure in a variety of genres, for stories as short as 500 words or thousands more, paying $5 and up by length.



Please remember Kathleen May in your prayers: she was one of the original witnesses to the Flatwoods incident, and passed away last month at the age of 88. Condolences are posted at Flatwoodsmonster.com

Tercentenary and Morgantown walkies

I'm loving West Virginia more each day: they even do cities right, in my opinion. We drove up to Morgantown near the Pennsylvania border and found a lovely riverside park to walk along, with a playground at the end for the kids to enjoy.

Even the weeds were stately and pretty:



Along the riverside park's footpath, markers dedicated the miles to native sons and daughters who had made a contribution to the state or who had passed away: fallen soldiers and policemen, some community workers, a few politicians.

This is my kind of city view:



West Virginia University dominates the town and fills it with young people during the academic year, so I suppose some graffiti's inevitable... but even that was a pleasant surprise. On one bridge we got a tree and a call to save the landscape from the awful practice of mountaintop removal:



And of course, a few flowers never hurt. Morgantown had plenty.



That, my friends, was my 300th post: thus the title. And thus the following markets:

NPR (National Public Radio) is looking for Three Minute Fiction to be read on air: keep it to 500-600 words or thereabouts so the story can be read aloud in three minutes. No payment, but hey, it's National Public Radio, and a story less than 600 words. Hurry, entries need to be in later this week.

Three Crows Press will open to fiction submissions again in September. How is it possible that September is only fifty days away now? Anyhow, details of what Three Crows want are on their website.

Third Order Magazine publishes faith, fiction, and the occasional extraterrestrial, saying "We're less DaVinci Code and more Flannery O'Connor."

Third Wednesday is a literary publication founded by a Michigan writers' group who met every (yes, you've guessed it) third Wednesday. If your work strikes them deeply enough to include in the journal, they will send you a contributor's copy plus a token payment of a few dollars.

Third Coast, a literary journal of Western Michigan University, will re-open to submissions of poetry, fiction, creative nonfiction and drama on the first of August. They'll also accept writing samples for book reviews, but hmmm.... no mention of payment on the submissions page.

Three. It's a magic number.

On the Road Again. Or, Still.

I don't mind saying that I find the Yaris puny, ugly and uncomfortable, but I'll love it anyway for its fuel efficiency. We've put a thousand miles on this thing by now and only stopped twice to fill its very small tank. So, we keep on driving...



And who wouldn't, in a state that looks like this? West Virginia is a beautiful place, but our son is more mesmerised by the passing motor vehicles than the landscape, drawn especially the surprising number of Hummers and motorcycle gangs. He saw our entire car reflected on the wheel knob of a passing 18-wheeler:



Tomorrow, after months of drooling over Granny Sue's flea market finds, I'm going treasure-hunting myself, so it's back into the Yaris and off into the hills we go.

Someday soon I'll show you a photo of my West Virginia house, but meanwhile, this is not it:



(mine's not that big)

Tomorrow, I'll show you photos from our trip to Morgantown. Meanwhile, here's some mountain-inspired markets for you:

Hunger Mountain, the Vermont College Journal of Arts and Letters, seems open to anything: poetry, creative nonfiction, short stories, artwork, even writing for children. See their sidebar for links to competitions. No mention of payment, but voices in my head my sources tell me it's semi-pro (meaning, just shy of 5c per word).

Aspen Mountain Press currently needs quality horror stories on the lines of Stephen King, and erotic romances in any subgenre, as long as they have plots and characters readers can care for. If you enjoy writing-to-order, they'd also like paranormal romance stories set in the Del Fantasma bar in Vista Loma, California. More information about the setting is available on their website or by e-mail.

Many Mountains Moving is currently closed to submissions of fiction but will look at poetry; information about their current contests is is here, though one requires a hefty entry fee and the other's deadline has passed.

Shadow Mountain publishes manuscripts with 'family values', including children's books, but no personal journals or family histories please. Their submission guidelines are unusually detailed and thorough if you'd like a look, and while a small press they've managed to put a book on the NYT bestseller list a few years back.

Shaking Like a Mountain is the only 'true journal of literature about music'. They're looking for writing that responds to music, bands, or specific songs. Apparently you may address them as "SLAM". I couldn't find any mention of payment, but they do request a bio for accepted submissions, and if you like you can follow them on Twitter.

Road Trip

We're here, we're weary, we're sunburned, we love it.

I'm pleasantly surprised that Himself is still speaking to me, as I arranged an excellent deal on a rental car, which turned out to be a 2009 Toyota Yaris. I'd never seen one of those before, so imagine what it was like, when he pulled up in our new car, to pick up his family of five plus their fourteen pieces of luggage.

If you've never seen a Yaris, imagine the smallest car you've ever seen (Smartcar excepted) and then cut off the back end of that image to make it even smaller. Now imagine three adults and two children (one in a bulky car seat) traveling inside this thing with luggage piled up to the ceiling in the back, under everyone's feet and on everyone's lap, so that it looks as though the car is being driven down the highway by a solid lump of baggage. If you saw it on its six-hour journey on the New Jersey Turnpike Monday afternoon, and looked closer, you might have seen five pairs of eyes peering back at you through it.

Well, four pairs of eyes and one camera lens.



Arttrav.com is hosting a summer writing contest for students studying abroad this year, or in 2007/08. Dang; my year abroad was 1986. Pffffttt...but wait, there are categories for the rest of us! Now just write up a travel article about Italy (see website for guidelines) and send it in for a chance to win a grand prize worth €180 ($230 or so) or one of many goody bags stuffed with prizes. Not bad at all for a submission less than a thousand words long.

The Sun Magazine says "We publish essays, interviews, fiction, and poetry. We tend to favor personal writing, but ...we're open to just about anything. Surprise us; we often don't know what we'll like until we read it. We pay from $300 to $2,000 for fiction... also give contributors a complimentary one-year subscription to The Sun." Well, sure you do. Meanwhile my eyeballs have fallen out and are lying on the keyboard, still staring at their website. How could we NOT try for this one?

Six of one and half-dozen of the other

I'm posting this by magic, as one does while traveling. Chances are, that when you read this I'll be in an airplane over the Atlantic, and hopefully not exploding into cloud vapour that will rain over Ireland next week (God not that--the irony would be brutal) or screaming out one last Hail Mary as I fall back to earth with my children in my arms while burning pieces of wreckage fall past us to the chill ocean waves.

People with over-active imaginations shouldn't fly, maybe.

Hopefully at this hour I won't be stuck at Dublin airport watching a "delayed" status while our children go rapidly into meltdown from the combination of excitement/boredom that is any departure lounge. I guess I'm just lucky I don't have six kids, instead of three.

Hmmm. Six. Today's the sixth of July, a day my family's been anticipating for weeks. When we land, if on time, our Irish watches will be telling us it's 6 PM (not knowing that it's really 1 PM on America's east coast), and we'll be facing a six-hour drive to Elizabeth's house. (It should only take five hours, but Himself is driving so getting "a little" lost is guaranteed. It's a game we play, when he gets bored...I'm anticipating a six-hour drive so.)

So many sixes. I wonder how many more we'll find as we travel?

Six Gallery Press offers the most stunningly unhelpful submissions page I've ever come across, made even more interesting by its "West Virginia" cover art there... considering of course that WV is my destination today. One supposes that the trick is to study their list (which has some intriguing books---check them out if you're looking for something a bit different to read), and/or employ the Vulcan mind meld to discover their deepest manuscript desires.

Sixers Review is "where craft hides out". Fiction, poetry, non-fiction, send it along. The reading period is marked "open" as I write this, on Saturday. From their website: "Some call it cosmic, some call it sublime and others call it a string of not-so-nice names." I like this publication's style.

Six Bricks Press is the home of Captain McHurkeydurkey's Utterly Masturbatory Prose Parade, which has been mentioned here before because dang, I just couldn't resist a name like that. "Six Little Things" is the name of their online magazine, which publishes six "little prose things", be they short-short-stories or prose poems, by six folks every quarter. THAT is a lot of sixes. Submissions are currently being accepted for an upcoming issue whose theme is "The Unannounced Guest".

Spaceships and Sixguns is currently closed to submissions (dang!) but promises to be reading again soon: I hope so, because the last editor's column on the site is dated October 2008. I like this one however, and hope it comes back: bookmark that submissions page just in case, if you like pulp-space-adventure-fiction. Look in the sidebar and you'll see that Rhonda Eudaly (one of my favourite story writers btw) has written a piece for this issue entitled "Immense dimensions of your monster" which was written for a competition for stories inspired by the spam in our inboxes.

Sixty-Six is the Journal of Sonnet Studies. Oh this takes me back to my high school days. That's not a good thing. But this journal does sound like a beautiful idea, and if you enjoy writing or reading sonnets, well here it is. They publish an annual chapbook of original sonnets in English, and will also accept queries for articles, essays, etc. Contributors receive two copies of the issue their work appears in (one for you and one for your Mum one supposes?) plus a free copy of the next issue.

Now, I almost always give you five markets, but surely today's list calls for six. For those Saturdays where you're just not feeling like writing a whole lot, have I got a 'market' for you. Write SIX words and you've finished! How kewl is that: Six Word Saturdays is a meme that invites you to write six words from your heart or your day or your subconscious or whatever, and share them with the blogosphere. A fun sixy way to get your link out there and meet a few new bloggy friends too.

I said sixy.

I'll be checking e-mail and blogs as much as I can through the traveling bit, but probably won't have time to respond much yet---I do promise to catch up however when we're settled!


image supplied by Dover Publishing's free clipart samples

Happy Independence

Happy Independence Day to all yous in America!

We're celebrating here at the homestead too: also with independence on our minds. Today is Queen Teen's 19th birthday. Happy Birthday! It's her first birthday as a non-student and a let-loose-on-the-world adult. This time next year, she won't be a Queen Teen anymore, at all.

So, what will she be?

That's what we'll all be wondering as we pass the fudge cake and champagne later this afternoon. She's got no job lined up (the economy and all) and plans for university are on hold while she sizes up this moment: no commitments right now, no binding ties, and a good handful of cash to start her on her way thanks to my dead generous and loving mother. She could do as Baino's daughter did and go see the world. Or she could find a nifty place to intern for a few months, or get a used RV and see all of North America from sea to shining sea. Or she could do like Don Shimoda, and walk away from it all and be a modern mechanic Messiah.

Er, well, probably not that last one. But I do hope that if she goes away, she comes back soon, and with someone nice. Yes, I admit it, I'm in the market for a nice son-in-law, someone who will treat her like a princess and fix my car on occasion and tell me my cooking's the best he's ever had. I'm rather bummed that Kay's wonderful son is taken already (congratulations Sarah!), and I'm trying to remember how old is Peggy's sweetheart of a youngest son ... but hey, Mr. Know-it-all's got a handsome fellow at home too. Not sure of his age either, but he can fish, and that skill's handy. Granny Sue, surely you must have an unattached son or grandson or nephew close by? I'd like to keep her close to home now that she's able to leave it if she wants to, even if it's the summer home she chooses.

If she reads this, she's going to kill me now. So, moving rapidly along now, for the day that's in it:

American Girl accepts nonfiction only, and judging by what I had to go through to find their guidelines on their site at all, they're not exactly begging for our submissions. The magazine is aimed at girls (one presumes American girls) aged 8 and up, and offers a variety of departments including cooking and real-life profiles. Send your submission by mail to the address at the bottom of their guidelines page (get out) and please wait 12 weeks for a reply. They also publish books; guidelines are on the same page. No mention of payment, but my sources tell me (*ahem*) it's professional range.

The North American Review is the oldest literary magazine in America, looking for quality writing in many forms, and pays accordingly. They receive an amazing 10,000 submissions each year, so make sure yours stands out. Their Kurt Vonnegut Fiction Prize offers $1000 top prize and requires a reading fee; the page hasn't been updated from 2008 yet but it does say "annual", so...

The American Scholar, "is published quarterly for the general reader by the Phi Beta Kappa Society...considers nonfiction by known and unknown writers; unsolicited fiction and poetry are not encouraged." Well, hey, that's not a complete no, right? But if you prefer writing articles, or are PBK, or intrepid as all-git-out, or just willing to risk a rejection letter for a chance at (wow, is this right??) up to $500 per accepted submission?....well, go for it.

Johnny America doesn't pay for contributions but I couldn't help including it partly because of the name (I am so going to call a future pet "Johnny America" now). Other reasons? One, it's a humour magazine, and the world needs more of that. Two, the submission guidelines begin with the sentence "Johnny America is a large rabbit who lives in a bungalow on the Moon between two rivers of wine (one red, one white)"... and then it just gets better, especially when they get around to describing their editorial process involving Richard the Intern and the lazy editor who hopes for explosions. GO READ IT! This is the publication of the Moon Rabbit Drinking Club & Benevolence Society. Oh good Lord. Where has it been all my life?

Pax Americana made the list by virtue of its Latin name (because Latin is cool) and its desire for the irreverent. Their non-mention of payment on the submission page (implying that they don't pay of course) is made a bit eyebrow-raising-worthy by their request for donations. Heeey... maybe I should try doing that? All forms of poetry and prose are welcome if you'd like to try them out.

Have a safe and joyful weekend, everyone, no matter where you are.

I Can't Stand The Rain

"The good news is," said the rheumatologist when he told me I had fibromyalgia, "is that it won't kill you. The bad news is, you're living in the worst [very bad word deleted] country in the world to have any kind of arthritis, and if you stay here you'll only suffer."

He got that right. The rest of the world ('cepting Baino's half) are enjoying summer out there, while Ireland sits under a chill North Atlantic rain in what the calendar says is supposed to be July.

Surely, if arthritis patients suffer in such weather, our Health Service Executive should be giving us arthritics all grants to cover moving expenses to Orlando. Why not? Think of the money the HSE would save, in years of Physical Therapy for each of us, and doctors' visits, and all these free paracetamol tablets we get. Ooh, I curse your short-sighted stupidity, Mary Harney; it's financial decisions like this one that have crippled our national healthcare system and doomed Irish cancer victims to early graves. Booo! (But send us to Orlando and all is forgiven.)

I hate rain. I especially hate cold rain. And, cold rain in summer? The worst, if only for the injustice of it. My joints and back are sore, and the rest of me is just tired and sad. The dog is restless, and if we let him out he comes back muddy and stinky. This afternoon the pony walked up to our window and stood looking in, as if hoping he'd be invited in like the dog, dripping as he was. We sat in our warm dry sitting room, drank our whiskey coffee, and stared back at him.

Meanwhile, the photoblog often draws comments and e-mails about how beautiful it is here, and how lucky I am. Oh. Really.

And here I was beginning to think that I could even face getting on an airplane, just to get out of here.

Wet Ink,"the magazine of new writing", is supported in part by the Australian Council Literature Board. You can send them fiction (including genre fiction---let me make a note here--), essays, and other prose or poetry. They pay, and they pay well, and bless them they even provide a cover letter that you can just fill in the blanks and send.

The Manchester Fiction Prize can go in this rainy list, as Manchester is hardly dryer or warmer than we are in Ireland. If you don't mind tossing £15 (that's pounds sterling, notice--all of using other currencies may experience sticker shock at the conversion) then you can send in a story and take a chance at the £10,000 prize. That would cheer up anyone, no matter how hard it rained.

The Raintown Review is a perfect-bound semi-annual journal of poetry and prose. "We are more interested in metrical works, including well-rendered blank verse, sonnets of every variety, villanelles and triolets. End rhyme is neither a crime nor a requirement....Any prose we accept will have to be written well enough and be of such import that we can't refuse to publish it." The submission page describes "payment" as one contributor's copy. Personally I don't call a contributor's copy payment, I call it a courtesy. I'm just sayin'.

Cerulean Rain is a bit more honest, saying up front that they "do not pay for work we publish at this time". But, they do publish novel excerpts, and that might do a good turn, publicity-wise, if your novel-in-progress is excerptable. They like experimental, dark, and non-conformity: read the guidelines and more about the publication before submitting please.

And before all this non-paying crap gets too depressing (as if I wasn't depressed already):

Beneath Ceaseless Skies is straight after my own heart, publishing literary adventure fantasy. The submission guidelines are blissfully specific and they pay professional rates for accepted works; they'll even consider novella-length fiction.

Funny... I'm cheering up now.

And, once again, I'm very sorry to anyone who has the title's song now stuck in their head, as I do.

Pass the Guinness? Oops too high, too low, too oh, NO.

We're having a rough day at the homestead, cleaning before the house-sitters get here, and packing, cleaning, plus making all the last-minute arrangements of billpaying and service-stopping and emptying the refrigerator. That last one leaves us almost regretting that Daddy got such a generous supply of Guinness for Father's Day from the eldest. That now needs to be polished off...can't have it wasted after all.

The sacrifices we make for our holidays, honestly...

Turns out that Guinness are celebrating the 250th anniversary of Arthur Guinness putting his signature to a 9,000 year lease on Saint James' Gate in Dublin, and as part of the festivities they're offering a few prizes to their loyal boozers customers.

Well, that sounded interesting, so I took a look at the prizes.

One is a trip into space (or at least the upper atmosphere) aboard the Virgin Galactic which will take the winner 70 miles above the earth, travelling 3 times the speed of sound, in an airplane-spaceship hybrid type thing. Uh, Challenger. Pass.

There's also a journey to the bottom of the sea off the coast of Norway, where the winner can enjoy his/her Guinness in a deep-sea pub. Now, call me picky, but I think I'd enjoy my pint a whole lot more off the coast of Hawaii. I mean, NORWAY? Isn't Norway really just an abbreviation for NORth-of-where-hell-freezes-so-no-WAY? Yeah, I think it is.

The last of the big prizes is a personal, exclusive performance by the Black-Eyed Peas at a secret venue. (Ooohhh, secret!) Ok, I'll admit I had to google 'Black-Eyed Peas' and wade through a whole lot of southern recipes to find out just who they were. Oh wait... Fergie? My Humps?. Egads. But after the other two prizes, what choice is there but this one? ...Can I bring a gun?

So yeah, obviously I won't be trying for any of these, but if the competition takes your fancy, you can read more about the Guinness Experience giveaway right here. You need to be at least 18 to enter the website. Or ok, you'll need to say you're at least 18, to enter the website.

Now if, like me, you found those adventures just too high, too low, or too irritating, there's always those inner adventures to turn to...

Small Beer Press accepts queries for novel-length manuscripts or short story collections, and publishes 3-6 titles per year.

Spaceports & Spidersilk is a bit hard to say if you ask me, but kids like it. If you like to write for kids, they'll pay $2 per story and $10 for artwork.

Ocean Magazine appears quarterly and will consider stories, essays, poetry and articles about (no surprise) the ocean, whether scientific or spiritual. Photographs also welcome--the next deadline is 15th July, but if that's too close the next is in October.

Oceanview Publishing, "where great books are always on the horizon", accepts manuscripts for adults, especially mystery, thriller and suspense. Check out their News page: many of their titles are bringing home awards.

In looking for "Black Eyed Peas", the closest I could find fiction-marketwise was the Black Warrior Review... well that's close, right? If you're serious about writing you mostly likely know these folks already; not easy to get onto their pages but surely worth the try. Their Fifth-ever Contest is currently open, with a tempting prize of $1,000, but they're asking a whopper of a reading fee, enough to buy you a few pints of Guinness instead, if you come to your senses in time. Good luck if you go for it anyway.

Meanwhile, another pint's finished here, so it's back to the refrigerator I go. Ugh, this packing lark is hard work...